Pre-Senior Year Whathaveyous

School starts in about a week and a half...

If you asked me how I felt about that fact a week ago, I would have jumped up and down out of sheer excitement.

If you ask me now, I might (probably will) give you a look of fear, apprehension, uneasiness over the uncertainties that will come after my last two quarters.

Like most people, I've been going to school for most of each year of my life. It's kind of surreal to say that this year will be my last "mandatory" school year, but it's also quite nerve-wrecking. The reality of school and life afterward hit me in the past hour or so that I've been scrolling down ZotLink looking for internships. I found a couple that caught my eye and I know I would enjoy (not to mention, the huge potential for growth), but at the same time, I caught myself questioning my qualifications and my "attractiveness" as a potential intern to these companies.

The go-getter in me cheers me on, but the doubter in me simultaneously, well.. doubts. My abilities, my dreams, and even if this is truly the area where God can thoroughly empty me of myself and use me. To be honest, I do not really know why I chose film. I remember, in my sophomore year, having quite dreamy fantasies of what I picture myself doing later on -- making documentaries to raise awareness on issues that are dear to my heart; making films that offer more than just entertainment; working a pretty hectic and unpredictable, albeit exciting schedule as part of the production crew; the list goes on. But as I am about to begin what could be the last school year of my life, and am literally just months away from having to join the working force, these dreams grow bleaker by the minute.

I don't know that I'll be doing any of the things I picture myself doing... I don't even know if I'll end up in this particular(ly) competitive field. I don't know, because I'm not even guaranteed tomorrow.

But with all that, may my heart find rest in the Lord. May my heart find peace in obedience to His leading. Wherever I end up, whether it be in the film-making industry or somewhere completely different, I know it'll be because that is where God will be most glorified, where I will be most emptied to be of use to Him.